When, however, we separate our gay thoughts from all of the value judgments and fear with which society brainwashes us, we take great pleasure in our gay identities. We are simply scared of what people will do to us, and we are scared of losing everyone we love. But deep down, gays like me know who we really are.
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Look Deep Insideīecause society pounds gays with stereotypes–and because many gays fear being rejected, tossed into the streets by parents, ejected from houses of worship and jobs, or being beaten to a pulp–many try to trick themselves into denying their sexual identity. Is there any similarity between HOCD fear and in-the-closet fear? Yes and no. We also know how an HOCD rant differs from an in-the-closet rant. So now we know something about how HOCD thrives on propaganda and human error. Those words get stuck in our brains and become our illogical false truths. Such people mean you no harm, but their incorrect words are what we OCD folks latch onto. There are also people who don’t know any better and say what they believe because it is all they have ever heard. More importantly, if your gut feeling (not your OCD feeling!) says something is not so, trust yourself. If your HOCD clings to someone’s propaganda, disbelieve it. You don’t have to believe what someone else says or writes simply because he or she is respectable and learned. Can you say… propaganda?!! Do they want you to vote for them? Do they want you to disregard your spiritual or non-spiritual truths and accept only theirs? In other words, what are the secret agendas of such political and religious spokespersons? Even my community–the gay community I will defend with my dying breath–is guilty of ridiculous propaganda spread thick among what is otherwise true. There are many people who, for political or religious reasons, will tell you otherwise. You cannot change a past truth, and HOCD always lies. HOCD will try to rewrite your past and say that you did not actually feel this or that, but whatever you remember feeling at the time is, well, what you really did feel at the time.
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It does not get any more basic than that. You cannot suddenly turn gay any more than you can sprout wings. The other part is that people wrongly think they can suddenly turn gay, and that, of course, is an impossibility. Part of the problem is that HOCD masks sufferers’ body signals.
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Homosexual OCD is a demon, and it knows how to deceive sufferers, but if you know what to look for you cannot be deceived.